Kinky Talk: Education, Bondage and Community – My Playrooms in Conversation with Mary

In this in-depth interview between Lena (Social Media Manager at My Playrooms) and Mary (BDSM educator and regulars’ table organizer), the conversation covers Mary’s personal journey in the BDSM scene, her first experiences with bondage, dealing with boundary experiences like Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) or NS/KV, the importance of communication and aftercare, and the role of regulars’ tables and parties for exchange and networking. They also talk about the appeal of special BDSM spaces (playrooms), organized fetish parties, meeting like-minded people, and the important message of how crucial openness, respect and consent are in the BDSM scene. Mary is the experienced educator who has been active in the BDSM scene since 2017. She organizes regulars’ tables, rope meetings and is known for her social media work in BDSM education. Lena represents My Playrooms, a platform for booking special BDSM apartments. She moderates the conversation and shares her own experiences with parties, bondage and D/s constellations.

Part I

Lena: Welcome to Kinky Talk with My Playrooms! Today our guest is dear Mary. Mary, please introduce yourself – who are you and what do you do?

Mary: Hi, I’m Mary. I do BDSM education on various social media platforms and also offline, for example through my regulars’ table and a rope meeting. I organize and accompany people who want to get a taste of the BDSM scene or have been involved for a while. I try to share my experiences to break down prejudices and support newcomers.

Lena: So you have your own regulars’ table. How did you start doing BDSM content and education?

Mary: I kind of “slipped into it.” In 2017 I first got in touch with the BDSM scene. In my circle, the term SMJG kept coming up – that’s an association in the German-speaking world that offers educational opportunities especially for young people between 14 and 27 and organizes regulars’ tables. I got there through friends. After about two years, I was asked if I wanted to help organize the regulars’ table. That’s how I became part of the organizing team. Education was always important to me, because as a teenager I would have liked someone to tell me: “Hey, your fantasies are okay, you’re not alone with them.” I’ve always been social media savvy and at some point posted a TikTok video about the regulars’ table. There were tons of questions underneath, and that’s how my actual account started. Apparently there was a great need to talk about BDSM.

Lena: How did your personal environment react when you went public with BDSM content?

Mary: Honestly, very neutral. Most friends already knew I liked Shibari and posted bondage pictures on Instagram. Some are vanilla, but they didn’t find it shocking or unusual – they thought: “Okay, that fits her.” I used to struggle with my fantasies and wasn’t that open. But eventually the fear faded and I became more confident. The environment responded positively.

Lena: You mentioned Shibari earlier. What was your first real bondage experience?

Mary: Oh dear, today I think: “How could you be so naive?” It went like this: I used to model more, and a photographer offered Shibari photos on a portal. We had months of contact, but eventually I went alone to his home to be tied up – with little knowledge, no backup except “My boyfriend knows the address.” That was it. We tried a partial suspension right away. I knew nothing about risks, there was hardly any education. It could have gone really wrong. Luckily it turned out well. Today I strongly advise: At first, meet at rope meetings, see how people tick, and learn some basics so you can judge if the rigger knows what he’s doing.

Lena: I can relate. After my first bondage experience I was completely overwhelmed and needed a lot of aftercare. How was it for you or how do you see it in general?

Mary: Aftercare is essential. Especially with sub-drop, you often feel down afterwards. It can happen that you suddenly feel sad and don’t understand why. And that doesn’t mean anything went wrong in the session. Hormones are released during a session, and when they subside, we can crash emotionally. That can happen to you as a sub just as much as to the top (dom-drop). The dom can also struggle with hitting or tying someone – even though it’s all consensual. If you don’t talk afterwards or your partner doesn’t take time, that’s a big red flag.

More on BDSM Experiences

Lena: How was it for you personally when you started to really live out your fantasies?

Mary: At first I felt pretty alone because hardly anyone talks about BDSM. For 15-, 16-, 17-year-olds it’s usually not easy to find like-minded people. We grow up with the idea of “normal” vanilla sex. If you like bondage or BDSM, you often don’t know who to talk to. That’s why I think it’s so important that SMJG and similar educational formats exist. You read a lot on the internet, but you can also come across people who recommend unsafe practices. In real-life regulars’ tables you often find a good support network. Lena: Absolutely. I felt the same. I always had unusual fantasies but rarely found anyone to talk to. Eventually I went to regulars’ tables, parties, and met people who were serious and cared about safety. That helped me a lot.

Dealing with False Role Models and “Dumb Doms”

Mary: The real BDSM community is very respectful. Of course there are bad apples. On the internet I regularly get messages like: “I’m your new dom! Kneel!” – without knowing me. That’s a red flag. Real BDSM is based on respect, consent, communication. Lena: I see that all the time. I get tons of messages from “doms” who – even though they know I’m taken – immediately want to force me into something. A real D/s relationship is something completely different: trust, openness, aftercare, reflecting together.

First Bondage Suspension and Personal Boundaries

Lena: I once had a session where I was tied up two days in a row. On the second day I was even suspended. Afterwards I totally collapsed emotionally and didn’t know if I liked it or not. In the moment it seemed great, but later I panicked. What do you think?

Mary: If you realize you need agreements or feel uncomfortable, you should definitely communicate. Sometimes you only know afterwards how a session affects you mentally. Then a good talk with your partner or a trusted person helps. In BDSM it’s important to take care of yourself. If my gut says “stop,” I listen to it.

Parties, Scene Events and Different Orientations

Lena: You also go to many BDSM or fetish events. Where do you get your info?

Mary: I use platforms like Joyclub, FetLife or Instagram. Many events are posted there. Sometimes you find private groups on Telegram – you get in through local regulars’ tables. Many smaller or private parties are only shared that way. Lena: How do you experience the differences between big kinky raves, like at KitKat, and pure BDSM parties?

Mary: KitKat was really impressive: Huge spaces, chill-out areas, you can lie down, cuddle, dance, play. Still, it’s a dance party – the focus is more on music, rave and nightlife. Some areas have BDSM elements, but it’s not as “intimate” as in a pure BDSM club. At kinky raves there are also many people who aren’t necessarily experienced in BDSM. You can feel uncomfortable if people are drunk. For intense play I prefer private or classic BDSM events, where there’s a certain code of conduct and safer sex rules.

Negative Experiences, Consent Violations and Safer Spaces

Mary: Luckily I haven’t had any really bad experiences, but I’ve seen people get harassed at parties. Or organizers acting in a discriminatory way. That’s a real no-go. It’s important to me that you feel safe at BDSM events and people know: Just because I’m here doesn’t mean anyone can do anything to me. Lena: Exactly. Just because I kiss my boyfriend or play with him doesn’t mean others have a right to join in. At many kinky raves, alcohol and drugs are everywhere. I prefer to stay sober because I want to keep a clear mind.

Intense Role Plays, CNC and Boundaries

Lena: You have experience with intense scenarios like home invasion or CNC. How was that for you or people you know?

Mary: We once kidnapped a friend with her consent because she had a CNC dynamic with her partner and hinted at it. She knew roughly that something might happen someday, but not when. It was a pretty extreme but well-planned action. Right after she loved it. But two weeks later she felt a certain paranoia: “Could this happen again?” Everything was agreed, but the subconscious plays tricks. We talked about it for a long time, even months later. This delayed drop can happen when you push boundaries so hard.

Lena: I know exactly what you mean. I wasn’t even really kidnapped, but my partner had my key and suddenly sat in my apartment – in a completely black outfit. I was so shocked! Afterwards it took me a week to realize if it was “good” or not. I felt really uncomfortable in my own home. With such fantasies you have to communicate very thoroughly and take care of each other.

“Sacrifice”: Mary’s Ritual Performance

Lena: You talked about a “sacrifice” in one of your videos, where you were the “victim.” That sounds intense. What was it exactly?

Mary: It was at my big garden party with about 70 guests. There’s a stone circle arena and a huge, rooted tree stump sculpture. I always had the fantasy of ritually sacrificing someone there – but couldn’t find a volunteer. So I sacrificed myself. My best friend led the ceremony. I was tied up naked, six people carried me into the arena, and then every guest could make “offerings”: earth, flowers, glitter… A real witch was there and spoke a ritual text. Then I dived into a pool to “rise again.” It was very intense because 70 people chanted something in chorus. In the moment I didn’t realize everything, I was just in myself and felt this crazy energy. Later, when I saw the photos, I was totally fascinated.

BDSM Apartments and Playrooms

Lena: You’ve never been in a rented BDSM apartment?

Mary: No, not yet. I’ve always been more at private parties, clubs or friends’ places. But I see the appeal of booking a room: You’re completely undisturbed and can be loud without worrying about neighbors. There’s special furniture and everything is clean and tidy. I can imagine it’s a really great experience.

Lena: That’s exactly why My Playrooms exists. Many people search forever for suitable rooms, google around, find outdated websites or closed apartments. We’re basically a booking platform that lists various BDSM spaces, with reliable info and filters – so you quickly find what you need. No nasty surprises.

Mary: That sounds great. I know Joyclub, but sometimes there are old ads and you don’t know if the apartment still exists. Plus, a central platform is clearer. And especially if I know the rooms have been checked beforehand, I feel safer.

What Mary Would Look for in BDSM Apartments

Mary: I’m a very visual person and love good lighting. If there are suspension points for bondage, I think that’s great. Whether there’s special furniture like a slave chair or a bondage wall is less important to me than a well-thought-out atmosphere. And of course everything should be clean. Lena: I totally get it. Some apartments have showers with bondage options, their own suspension setups or huge bondage frames – you’re just amazed.

Communication, Consent and Openness

Lena: Do you have any tips for newcomers or important points?

Mary: My biggest tip: Always listen to your gut and don’t let anyone tell you there’s only “one true BDSM way.” If something doesn’t feel right, ask again or cancel. And get informed, for example at regulars’ tables, about risks and play styles. Good communication is everything – before, during and after a session.

Lena: Yes, and it’s totally okay to realize later that something is bothering you. Talk about it, get help and clear it up. That also applies to doms who have a “dom-drop” after a session. Without open conversations, trust can quickly break down.

More About My Playrooms

Lena: At My Playrooms we check the apartments carefully, require certain quality standards and make sure photos and descriptions are accurate. No one should buy a pig in a poke. We hope people like you will try it soon.

Mary: Yes, I’m definitely interested now! I can imagine booking a whole weekend with some friends – so we can test different furniture and settings in peace, without clubs, without nosy neighbors.

Lena: Mary, thank you so much for your time and openness! I find it exciting how you got into the scene, what you do today and how you help others.

Mary: Thank you! I really appreciate the exchange. Especially because together we can show that BDSM is more than a taboo – it’s a colorful, open world as long as we all pay attention to consent and respect. Lena: Thank you, Mary! And to our viewers and listeners: Feel free to leave your questions or comments below. If you want to learn more about our platform, check out my-playrooms.de. Mary & Lena (both laughing): Until next time – bye!